Keeping the Sabbath

So keeping the Sabbath holy is something that I've gotten more and more strict about in my life.  And most days that works for me because I've got plenty of things that I "can do".  Like visiting with friends, providing service, doing family history, indexing records for FamilySearch.org, cook, clean, etc....  I even allow myself anything that is on BYU TV.  But today I'm struggling.  I want to turn on the TV and plug in a movie.  Specifically "Enchanted". (I love that movie and I haven't watched it in a while.)

Because I really like the benefits of keeping the Sabbath holy I am doing anything and EVERYTHING that I can to distract myself from breaking it.  Which includes journaling/blogging.  Thus resulting in this entry.  I am also making oven potatoes and probably will make some salmon steaks for dinner.  I should probably practice my Farsi and Piano but you know I'm going to procrastinate that because those things are actually PRODUCTIVE. :)

If You Could Have Any Job In the World What Would You Do?

This was a question posed to me by my co-worker today as we face an organizational restructuring in our department.

There was a long pause as I bit my lip because I didn't want to answer the question.  She apparently already knew my answer.  "You would have a family?"

She's right.  The one thing I want to be is the one thing I have absolutely no control over.  (Which is kind of a joke given how much of a control freak I am.)  I have no control over when I meet someone.  I have no control over whether I get pregnant.  In fact, from what my OBGYN tells me, it will be hard for me to get pregnant. Or at least stay pregnant.

The question is why I hestitate in telling people that my "dream job" is to be a mother.  Being a mother is honorable, being a mother is virtuous.  But in this day in age, it isn't 'impressive'.  Given that being a mother was once revered, I'm not sure why that is or how it happened...

I hope to though... one day... be a mother....

"It's Thursday; I don't lie on Thursdays."

I was watching "Covert Affairs" tonight and the Mousad agent says to Annie "It's Thursday; I don't lie on Thursdays.".  It's so funny how the shows I watch mimic my life.  It made me smile...

So when we were first flirting around my now ex-boyfriend and I made a deal.  Full disclosure to questions on Thursdays.  I used to really love Thursdays.

Too bad he was a liar on every other day.

What Defines You?

Back in 2009 someone I eventually grew to care about asked me to consider what defines me.

I had, a few months earlier given him a book that had impacted me strongly Herman Hesse's "Narcisus and Goldmund" for his birthday.  I had done this out of fear..... I had wanted to give him The Book of Mormon because that book more than any other has changed my life.

The funny thing is that both books focus on "the meaning of life".  Only one helped me TRULY find that.

So when I came to grips with the fact that I gave him the wrong book, I tried to fix it.  I'm pretty sure he was rebuking Satan under his breath when I explained myself and handed him the Book of Mormon.

The thing is..... The BOM (Book of Mormon) DOES help define me.  It changed my life.  It changed my heart.

The problem I realized there has to be something more that defines me.... I just don't know what it is....
 I'm excited about missionary work... I thrive in genealogy.....My friends call me to pray for certain things for them because Heavenly Father ALWAYS answers my prayers.... But what else is there to me?

I will be exploring this in the days, weeks, and months to come....